Monday, March 23, 2009

33 Coming of the Leaves...

I have seen 33 coming of the leaves...33 snow melts...33 Springs...Today is my Birthday...
Each year we are alive, we receive many gifts. Challenges that make us who we are. Revelations to steer us in the right direction. Visions that show us the way. And each year we live makes us wiser, not just older. Wisdom is the best gift of all, and the longer you live, the more wisdom you gain.

Never mistake knowledge for wisdom. One helps you make a living; the other helps you make a life.” ~ Sandra Carey

So, today marks another year that I get to enjoy my life. And another chance to do something special for myself. Ever since I turned 30, I've given myself a Birthday gift of significance. Not anything that you can purchase in a store. Rather, something that I either do for myself that day or vow to do throughout the new year.

Last year, Birthday 32, I vowed to write my novel, to put myself first once in a while, and accomplish something that was indeed very special to me, my dream. And, through much delight and determination, I did it: beginning, middle, end.

My gift to myself at 31 was to take my health and my life into my own hands. To figure out what my 'mystery illness' was and get better! And I'm happy to report that I'm still alive - obviously ;) - found out what was wrong and am still working to fix it rather than cover it up as my good ol'doctor insisted I do (yes, yes...another blog, another day...).

Some years I do or vow to do something so private for myself that no one knows about it with the exception of me, myself, and I. That was my 30th Birthday present to myself. It was a very hard thing to do, something that was 14 years in the making, but I'm glad I finally did it. And, if my book ever gets published, you'll all know exactly what that gift to myself was! But you'll have to read the book to find out ;)

This year...33...

Well, I had a sad but important realization just this past weekend: I don't have many (if any) symbiotic friendships outside of my darling husband. And although most people don't even have that, I need to start surrounding myself with friends who put just as much effort into me as I put into them. I listen but seem to never be heard. I give and only give...and then give some more, only to be tuned-out the first moment I have something to say. Left the moment I do something I want to do.

I have no qualms in never having something returned to me. I'm a giver. That's what I do. However, I'm seeing more and more that if you only give and give and never receive, sooner or later you start giving away all that is you. Everyone deserves something in return, if only an ear to listen, a shoulder to lean on.

So, this year, I vow to no longer be the doormat to friends. I've already tried to rid my life of drama and toxic people, and it worked and I'm healthier for it! Except, I feel as though I only worked in the family territory, thinking that my friends were toxin free. That is not the case.

If you don't put yourself first, no one will.