Monday, March 16, 2009

Good Lovin'...Part 2: Open Your Mouth!

Ok, here we go... Good Lovin'...Part 2...

The other day in Good Lovin'...Part 1, we learned that getting rid of distractions can lead to better sex. However, removing the obvious distractions from the bedroom is only the beginning in removing all the toxic distractions from your relationship. What we need to do is remove all the things that create the shadows, clouding our view, darkening our chances for a more intimate relationship. We need to open our mouths and be open with eachother...

Now, now...Don't go running away just yet!

This is truly an important part of every relationship. And it's even more important to be able to talk openly and honestly with the one you have relations with... There's no better sex to be had than that sex with someone you can truly be yourself.

You can say what you want to, need to, and they not only return the favor, but don't run away or laugh in your face. It's totally freeing to be with someone that knows you, inside and out, and still they love you - like you - and still want to be with you.

It's totally mind blowing to be in such a relationship. The result: mind blowing sex! Yes, it's there, you just have to do the work.

And the work is tough. I know, I've been there.

You either grew up in a household that didn't talk openly and freely about your feelings or found that people withdrew from you when you did, so you learned to close yourself off to others, pretending to be someone you weren't just to keep the peace and keep everyone around you happy...

And then there are those of us that have been in abusive relationships, learning that sometimes, those who were closest to us were not people whom we could openly trust. Therefore we learned to further close ourselves off, escaping from our realities, trying to make everyone around us happy, expecting that, in turn, it would make us happy...

Only, it doesn't. And it never will. You can't make everyone and everything around you perfect and happy. It just can't be done. The only person you can make happy is yourself. Period. You can't change anyone either, for that matter. Only you can change you.

But we're talking about a relationship here, something that happens between two people. This is where the task becomes doubly-hard because open and honest communication cannot be one-sided. There has to be a constant and consistent effort from both sides to make it work. If one person is still not giving up the ghost: still keeping their feelings to themselves, hiding their emotions, not sharing their opinions, not talking about their doubts, not sharing nor following their dreams, there will never be the freeing experience that is necessary for self-expression.

Picture this...
You're in bed/on the couch/on top of the washer-dryer/on the kitchen counter top/on the dinning room table/in the back of the car/(insert your favorite 'get busy' spot here), cranking up the heat, getting your groove on, gettin' busy...and all around you are these things, all this unfinished business. Instead of bouncing around with your lover, you have all these things bouncing around in your head.

...Did he notice how much that comment hurt my feelings?
...She never apologies for anything...why?
...Why don't we talk anymore? We used to be so open with eachother...

These questions, looming around in the room, get in the way of true intimacy, true freedom. If you want to have better sex, it only comes with the high price of total disclosure. And honestly, what have you got to loose? Someone that you can't talk to? Someone you are afraid will leave you if they find out where your true passions lie? Why would you want to be with someone like that? Don't you deserve a wonderful relationship with someone who not only gets you, loves you unconditionally, but actually still wants to be with you, because they enjoy knowing you and getting to know what you're all about?

Think on these things for a while...

Then try this following exercise:
Read these following words, out loud, very, very s-l-o-w-l-y...


How did that feel? Do it again, and this time REALLY open your mouth, magnifying each and every syllable.

That is exactly what you have to do from now on if you want a better life, better relationships, better sex: Opening your mouth.

No more secrets. No more hiding your dreams in the closet. No more wondering.

Share your ideas!
Talk about your dreams and your aspirations!
all the questions that pop up in your mind!
What have you got to loose?

It's up to you to start the conversations.

Get to work!

oh, and stay tuned for Good Lovin'...Part 3: Secret Indulgences...